


This is war.

by LoveAlwaysAndForever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Chuck Lives, Depressed Castiel, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Supernatural Elements, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:57:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5505680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveAlwaysAndForever/pseuds/LoveAlwaysAndForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel in Croaton's war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I promise.

I promise.

 

The situation in the shelter was degenerating, now hopes to return to normal fell and shattered like snowballs against a brick wall. Everything seemed too different from what was their life a few years ago, maybe the demons and spirits were always on Earth, but they certainly weren't so many:  
The Croaton invaded the whole world, making the earth a living Hell, sometimes they wondered if it was really worth fighting for something that no one could ever get back.  
Dean thought that way, certainly his only intention was to kill Lucifer and then end this story. He wasn't kill Sam. Survive as long as you don't have strength to go on, too cowardly to commit suicide and stop with his dignity. He preferred to drag on in this life pretending to be strong to shoulder all the problems of the shelter and then, leave as if nothing happened, like it was obliged to do it someone.  
Right now he was sitting on the porch of their "home" and was thinking of his father, as made him promise to always protect Sammy, but then miserably failing. In distance you could hear strange noises, muffled screams of something that wasn't human, at a guess were at least 4-5 km from them. They didn't to worry, not for now at least.  
Hands drove away old thoughts of his mother and his father with a past on his face and when he turned he saw Castiel sitting near him, sunken blacks eyes and smile on his face.  
“Can't you sleep, Dean?” Castiel asked him, turning serious and scrutinizing something on the horizon. In his mind he overlooks of his childhood in Heaven, when Gabriel teached him how to be a perfect angel.  
“No, Cas”. He whispered. "You shouldn't be ..Relaxed?"  
“Not when you start thinking about your past and not when the slightest noise make you jump!”  
He said. Then he put his hand on his eyes and rubbed them softly. He turned to Dean and others realized how much they were red and tired, almost not slept in weeks.  
"I can't feel comfortable anymore, Dean. I'm getting seriously paranoid ..I think I read this word in Chuck's books!"  
"Paranoid?" He snorted in a laugh, "You should stop it Castiel ... Those stuff will kill you!"  
"Those stuff calm me." He specified. "And please, don't talk again about it..I feel like I want smoke again!”  
There was silence, and then, they start to gaze their eyes. There's one good thing about Apocalypse:  
The darkness that joined the starry mantle of sky gave a senze of fake peace.  
“Dean” Told Castiel after a good half an hour. The hunter didn't notice that he was preparing another joint and by the way he didn't want to know because he heart was sunking to see his best friend in that state: to wander everyday with making sleepy, spewing 'cause of abstinent, don't eat, drink or sleep like now. This story had to end. Sooner or later. “Do you want to try it?”  
“No, I don't, Castiel. I must have balances reflexes. I always cover the retrat. I can't afford this.”  
He said, like a reproach for the angel who didn't worry about what would happen. It was for him dead or alive had no difference. So, now the most valuable thing that had they torn from his shoulders without mercy.  
“Dean..It'll be fine. I promise you.” The fallen angel whispered.  
At those words Dean stood up and looked at him very angrily. Except that he was really an important person on his life, he would have beaten him in this moment.  
Dean punched the wall, with the power he had on his body. Then, he turned back to the angel and turned back to leave the room.  
“He ha promised Sam and see what the fuck is the situation we are!” He shouted after.


	2. Supplies.

Supplies.

 

Dawn was already high in the sky for a few minutes. It gaves a good morning to animals with a slight swish wind and the few people who lived there. Dean was leaning on the map of Kansas City, he watched the red area circled by a pastel of the same color and he marked houses that they visited that day in search of stocks, lacked almost everything and the food was the first thing they would have to seek further women and men survivors had volunteered for hunting in the woods: A girl admitted who she had a keen talent with the bow and arrows, while another with a crossbow. The problem was find these arms, Chuck was already in mission with the another two to find them. Certain that lethality and silence of those would certainly help at the shelter. Dean began to put his hand trough his hair, arranged his gun in holster on his leg and after, he began to study the plan of attack in detail. A few minutes later he took the rifle on his shoulder and he went to call Castiel. Castiel as usual sleeping in his hammock in that sort of temple that had been created. “Castiel” he said very sharply, shaking the arm of his friend. He woke up staggered to his feet and came to his side. He embraced him straight off for a moment and he closed his eyes enjoying the precious moment. His smell calmed him. His body made him feel good after years of suffering that tried to delete the drug. “Stop to move it like that, Dean.” He broke the silence. Then he start to out laughing. “Why did you wake up me?” “I'm still. That's you are too done and anyway we have to go to supplying.” He said in a serious tone. He tried to shake it, but he grabbed more grip. “Stay here with me,” he whispered in a voice almost on the verge of tears. As sound of a broken branch fell with a thud, he whirled and he moved scared back, going away from Dean and slamming against the wall behind him. He started to look at the door as If araid that a monster came there and kill him without even had time to breathe.

Dean fixed his eyes. They were bright, too grainy than normal and Castiel had dilated pupils like two football's balls, all around they are formed small red veins that clash against the eye, in an attempt to push through the clarity.  
How much smoke he do this time? He came up to him and slapped on the face, distracting him from his visions, his fear and terror that was coming on to the body.  
"The next time you collapse in these conditions, I'll become my punching bag." He yelled and left.  
Castiel slid down the wall and put his legs to his chest, bursting into a loud cry that would certainly don't help the situation: Dean knows how fragile made him and his weakness and how everything was amplified.  
He simply must calm him, but no. He preferred to act and to drive him back to reality.  
The angel turned his gaze to the side of the room and saw his lighter side by side with the bong.  
"Just the only last time.." He said with his face streaked with tears.

 


	3. Streets.

Streets.

The jeep ran fast along the street and It didn't leave no doubt or rethinking and the thing disturbed Castiel: whenever he had to go out with the other, he was terrified to doesn't turning back and the fact that Dean was not reassuring and that was another thing absent for which he was aware of. If he closed his eyes, he could feel again the slap on his cheek. Full of burning on his skin and then weak tears that they quickly run fast through his face. He felt so alone that only consolation was knowing that all those memories , they would disappear, deleted like a cloud of dense smoke and white, like the clouds, but it fades immediately after expulsion from the lungs.  
He felt his eyes very heavy, eye bags "encrusted" a damp leaves the water left in the sun and the heart beat too fast: he wanted to calm down, he had to calm down or he would again felt bad as the last time. At on his side there was Dean that is running to the city and he's engaging the gears without talk. With the corner of his eye, he saw his angel curl up on itself and close his eyes for a moment, left another bitter tear that he should sure consular, but his angry and his pride didn't accept.  
Every day he reduced more worse, every day he dwindled and he must to see the reality: soon he would pay for his mistakes. He felt the angel's hand put on his hand and mechanically sliding angel's fingers trough his fingers.  
For a moment he briefly watched those hands together on the gearshift, then after it pulled away with a sudden shake.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" Dean said that now he was parking next to the building that would visit that day.  
"N-nothing...Let's go." He replied sobbing and bringing his hand to his face to erase those useless tears. So even though he had been crying all day, he wouldn't understand that. He never undestand how Castiel needs him, how he calm If he stays close to him and talk with him. He got out of car and he's arranging well the rifle and only when he saw Dean walks towards the rest of the group, he looked in the rearview mirror of the car: his eyes were again red and dilated pupils, crying had increased by more eye bags and made it 10 years older than it was him through.  
"Well guys" said Dean "The plan is of come in the canteen and take everything edible and in good conditions. You, Dan, you have the bad. Search trying to put as much canned food as possible, while you, Jason, on the other side there's a chemist.  
Take everything useful to cure and disinfect the injuries.  
The rest of you in these groups, I and Castiel go to the palace at first and second floor for recover any hygienic things.. Chuck kill me If I don't turn back with no paper toilet!"  
Snorted something like a laugh, "Everybody here in 20 minutes!"  
He turned on his heels and the two leaders made their way to their missions, Castiel followed Dean without say a word. He didn't want to feel like his voice is trembling and his senses had multiplied. Anyway at every sound he turned back and when he realized that the one behind him was only the wind, his heart began to beat normally.  
Dean come in the toilet, left that Castiel patrolled very good the other house in the second floor. He started to take everything that It was useful for the people at the refuge.  
He put on his bag: creams, bandages, ointments, toilet paper, sanitary towels, razors and shaving cream, earwigs for nails, hair for pigtails and all that was in the drawer of the bathroom or showers. He went out and he walked into the living room, he knew that Chuck liked to pass the time reading anything. So he took 1-2 books from the library, fit the pieces in the side of his pocket, while in the other he put the handkerchief for his nose that would certainly also used to the bathroom.  
Shortly after he bring averything in his jeep and he saw the clock, some guys are already coming back, but It lacked 10 minutes. So he decided to go to Castiel. He climbed the stairs to the second floor and heard the thuds of a fight, he realized as now the fear was gripping the body and were making it vulnerable.  
He come in the kitchen of the house and he saw Castiel face to face with a Croaton, a tall and muscled type that surely in real life was a bodyguard.  
He took the rifle and gave it a shot using it as a sledgehammer, then when he turned toward him, gave him a shot straight in front, pulping the brain into pieces against the kitchen stove.  
"Why don't you call me, jerk?" Dean screamed against the angel, again shocked by what had happened.  
"Because If I screamed, I attracted the attention of many others and anyway I didn't think about It, you know, I was busy! "he countered.  
Dean laughed wryly and rubbed his his face.  
"I wonder why you can't think of anything. Now, you have the brain in the dust!"  
"Yes, give me the fault. Meanwhile, my addiction is the only thing that comforted me, that calm me down!" Castiel said with again his eyes full of tears.  
"Also because I have no choice. The other thing that calms me down, It refuse me ..."  
Dean looked up realizing what he had just told his friend, then he turned to look at him and he tried to go away.  
They had already pass abundant ten minutes.


	4. Forgiveness.

Forgiveness.

 

Return of refugee was a torture, the tension between these two It can feels miles away from them and the two groups sent to mission asked what happening, abviously without answer.  
When they went up and began to motion, Castiel took a cigarette from his pocket's jacket and did n't utter a word during the entire trip, pretended to sleep to doesn't see anything that has to do with the man at his side, but then always ended to concentrate his attention to his breathing or his humming something to distract from that silence that was placed between them.  
It was impossible avoid listening something. Dean tried any sign capable of explaining the words that Castiel said. How did he do to calm down him? It was also strange to think that a single man can calm down only with a hug, or just by standing near to him.  
This he just couldn't figure It out. Road was desert except for a few crashed car and some collapsed branches on the side. They came soon than usual to retreat and they parked behing the house.  
Dean watched a few minutes Castiel sleep. He was immerse in his angelic face, despite in the other side they were calling him to report. He raised his hand on his friend's face and he gently stoked.  
Castiel jumped back with wide eyes and pulling back to the seat as much as possible.  
He drove away Dean's hand and he snuggled. In his mind he couldn't recognize anyone, panicked by a touch already imagined going to die at any miment and It terrified him. He tried to grop the handle of the car door and just found the two hands he forgot hot to open It.  
“Don't touch me” He screamed when the Dean's hand took his arm. “Please..”  
“I'm me, Dean” He tried to do in quite tone, but making It worse.  
He took him for his arms and he pulled to himself so forcing him into an embrance, with his hands pushing and trying to break free.  
“Shh, It's all right.”  
After a few seconds Castiel burst into tears. He still believed he was dying, but the smeel of musk and the dust on clothes of his lover would recognize them among a thousand people.  
He clutched in his arms and calmed the foolish tears. After that he went out from the car and he went to his room.

\---

Chuck was totally consumed by fire, he was set to make a kind of outdoor barbecue with all the survivors: new earnings raised the wooden fences and planted trunks, sharp and spiky cut, against receipts and all around refuge.  
They put all day “no – stop”, but If all go on like as planned the Croatoan would run against these woods and the would drive staked. Abraxas and Mavis, the boys of the crossbow and bow, taken a deer and rabbits from the woods and were returned only at sunset. The thing that It liked of both because they were competing to see who was more accurate, quite excited challenge thinking that both were able to take a prey straight in the eye to unimaginable distances.  
“That's It good, right?” Chuck asked putting another piece of timber in to the fire and starting to settle the skinned meat on sticks, as If they were meat skewers. The other boys nodded and helped him to settle, while Abraxas cleaned the weapons with rainwater that he collected in the carboys.  
"Where is Castiel?" Asked a blonde girl with a braid on the side. "I haven't see him even at lunch!"  
"In his room." Snapped Dean, as if the question been addressed directly to him.  
"I'm going to call" answer and start walking towards the angel's refuge.  
"No, I'll go."  
Dean got up and big steps went to the room of Castiel, just entered he saw him lying on the floor with a pillow under the head to sleep. He noticed that the tissue was all wet around the eyes and couldn't help him but he feel guilty for what he have done in those days, when he pulled a slap to make him feel better, but then It worse all things.  
“Castiel?” He cautiously towards him. Sees him turn slowly, and when he opened his eyes almost startled to see them so red and so deep sockets.  
"How are you?" He added, trying to not sound upset.  
“I'm fine, why are you asking me?” He ask weirded by the question. He stood and laughed for some strange reason, watching his hands and laughed. He still had the lighter in his hand the last time he had smoked.  
"Nothing, I see you tired...But I acted like an idiot before and-" he said in one breath, but he was interrupted.  
"Never mind, I know how much it cost you to say these things," he whispered.  
He put everything in the drawer next to the bed and staggered slightly, felt dizzy and felt thinking and this made him even more laughter.  
"Okay," he replied little convinced, there was still a little sick after he spent the day thinking about the speech he should have done to Castiel and then be stopped even at the beginning of the first sentence. He walked over to him and hugged him tightly.  
"Remember what you told me the first time we meet?"  
Castiel returned the embrace weakly and put his face in the crook of his neck.  
"Yes, it's the only thing that I can't forget and delete. I told you: I am the one who has grabbed you and saved from perdition." Whispered, only Dean would heard him.  
"Good. Now it's my turn to do it."  
He gave him a kiss on the forehead and stood for a moment with her lips in contact with his skin.  
At that Castiel, after a long time, it was really good.


	5. Hopeless.

Hopeless.

Stars were beautiful that evening, sometimes you could see a fallen star invade the sky and disappear after soon. The ember of what had the fire was still smoking, leaving sometimes a lonely sparkle rise high on and off a few seconds later, the guards patrolled the perimeter with guns pointed at each noise, Chuck whispered something from the bed near the window and every time he appointed Becky, everyone else slept blessed except Dean who walked forward and backward wondering how to help Castiel.  
Sure, the drastic remedy was burn all plants and some kind of pill he could find and then he could be near him in the rehab – time. And especially when he beginning would have gone crazy for every little thing happended or he trew up everything because his body din't accept whe waste in lungs or otherwise in body. All this until he had the weakness to fall into them again and he would find even a small way to escape in to the city to mix expired medicines; risking his life.  
Drugs and the addiction doesn't make you think. It always begins to fun, then a little elf will stick to your leg, with his grin will arrive at the dock, you will embrace even more than you can know it, and when it will be too late eat you alive. You will live only to serve and give your body to him. He will destroys you. You will only a toy.. Now until your dead.  
In addition, the brain has a kind of self-protection, for him it's all right: smoking, drinking, destroy yourself are the usual daily life and when something went wrong, had to be chased away, deleted if possible. Dean is already screaming because he scared to feel like he had anything to him and he didn't know what he was suffering. Suddenly he realized that he cried every night in the corners of rooms.  
“Castiel..” Dean whispered at the sky with trembling lips of angry to the guy that make try that stuff at Castiel. That asshole was died, and thank a lot. That didn't fix the problem anyway.  
He jumped up and went into the chamber of Castiel, disgustingly reeked of smoke and he had to open the window to breathe some 'fresh air. Behind him, the angel was turning and turning in his bed, as if he were having a nightmare, sometimes he nominated Gabriel.

\---

Heaven was pure and perfect as usual. At the center of the room was a table with two candles and a big plate full of all sorts of food. The chairs were brown with the gold ornaments that the frames and the paintings recalled of the room. It looked like the Renaissance style of some famous rich family. A head ot the table was someone who Castiel couldn't see. He tried to move hiself, but something similar to dark quicksand that held him, didn't make him walk. Then, when the man looked up at him, he was to see Gabriel. So he smiled sweetly with a chocolate bar in his teeth, with cautious step he saw him approaching until the black hole and watched without lifting a finger.  
“How are you?” Asked Gabriel.  
“Are you alive? Gabriel..help me..” He pleaded and when he tried to move, he sanked in that black hole.  
“Gabriel!” He screamed one second before, he pulled the hand to him, but then noting that Gabriel's face was changed in the blink of an eye, he became Lucifer.  
The obscurity.  
The darkness.

“Wake up.”  
Alone.  
“Castiel, It's only a dream!”  
No bullet, no light at the end of the tunnel.  
"Cas!"  
A free fall to the oblivion.   
“Dean?”


	6. Preoccupation.

****Preoccupation.

  
Castiel opened his eyes and saw Abraxas beside some of the survivors. Chuck stroked his sweat head. Mavis was looking worried and then bring down the eyes to Dean that he watching him seriously without speaking.  
“I'm fine..” He whispered a few second later. “I..I'm fine.” He repeated. The angel stood up making space between the others and he went in the bathroom: A room built of wood because they decided that this room was to be their refuge, a little 'further away from their hut.  
He sat down to the wc and he put his hands through his hair, tightening them, making long fast breathes, and after a while he burst into a loud cry. He asked himself why happended all that mess with Lucifer, why that day he decided to rebel to their father and why Gabriel died: his archangel who had been his guide since birth, who had learned everything he knew now.   
He had always been his brother, friend and second father.  
He curls up on himself and after a few minutes he calms. It was absurd as a prestige angel as he had fallen so low as to destroy himself and doesn't understand anything of what was happening:   
He really wanted to stop, to be more useful for the group, to understand the tactics of attack and maybe to counsel the instead of having the melted brains every day, but It wasn't easy, not at all.  
Everytime that he tried, he finished to fall without even realizing it.   
The weirdest thing was to prepare or swallow the stuff automatically, as if it were a regular practice, and then regret it when the effect was starting to work and that's where we begin the guilt, paranoias, finding hiself swinging on hiself like a madman in an asylum, there starts to laugh and cry sequentially, without understanding what the hell that really means everything you see.  
"Castiel." Dean called in harsh tone and not kind. It see and hear miles away that he was very angry.  
“Go out there now, we must talk.”  
“I'm fine”. Castiel repeated in a trembling voice, more to himself than to others.  
“Go out or I within.” He said.  
Castiel didn't answer, he didn't have time to reach the door that Dean went into room finding him in the middle of the room with hischeeks red from weeping and trembling hands.  
He saw him come close to him, face to face, serious as it ever he had seen.  
"Listen, you piece of shit, what are you doing? I have warned you, I have been patient, but now ..." he said through clenched teeth. His heavy breath and angry almost touched his face, how close.   
"I'm starting to doubt that Castiel you knew is no more. I'll have to make a right."  
He added, turning to leave. "By the way I'm used to see people that I love dying before Sam and now you too.." Castiel skipped a beat of his heart. For a moment he remembered all the times that silently watched over the brothers. Their memories were slowly become his memories and when he started to have feelings for Dean, perhaps why he felt so secure in his arms.  
May not all memories were deleted.  
"Why do you care so much? I'm just a fallen angel, Dean, I'm nothing, dammit. I don't have wings!" Shouted the angel.  
"Because.." He snorted a nervous laugh, "Because you are what remains to me of my family, you idiot!"  
Dean turned back more nervous than before, and when he saw him raise his hand, Castiel backed away and then arrive at the wall a short distance from his body. Dean's hand slid behind his neck, holding his head and before both could even just thinking about something, their lips met in a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Traslate: my friend Chiara.
> 
> This is the first English fanfic, please be kind!


End file.
